Vajazzlin’!

You can bedazzle your sweater. You can bedazzle a pair of jeans. But have you ever considered bedazzling your privates?

Enter the latest fashion trend: Vajazzling! New York City’s Completely Bare Spa offers a special waxing service, “followed by a Swarovski crystal tattoo design in starburst, butterfly, heart and other shapes.” According to Jennifer Love Hewitt, getting her “precious lady” covered in crystals was just what she needed to get over a breakup. “It shined like a disco ball.”

Another device “featured” by Ellen

Ellen’s at it again, this time showing her latest favorite fitness product, the 3 Minute Legs, and once again, the creators of the product brag about being “featured” on Ellen’s show.

Ellen endorses the Shake Weight… kind of

It’s hard to look at a commercial for the Shake Weight and take it seriously. Ellen realized this and not only showed the commercial on her show but gave the ridiculous device to everyone in the audience.

According to Ellen, the Shake Weight is good for “working out muscles I have never worked out in my life!” (Take a look how it moves and you’ll understand what she means.)

The creators of Shake Weight claim that “Ellen loves her new discovery.” Oddly enough, however, they don’t include a link to the clip of her show.

A hat that makes you smile

It’s been shown that the act of smiling has a positive emotional effect on the smiler. It therefore stands to reason that any device which constantly reminds us to smile must be good for us.

Enter the Happiness Hat. A sensor measures whether you’re smiling or not, and if the answer is no, you get jabbed in the head with a metal spike.

Says Lauren McCarthy, the inventor of the device, “I’m not suggesting we stab people until they smile. I’m interested in whether technology can teach us to be more human.”

What would you do for fuller lashes?

Victims of “eyelash hypotrichosis” (inadequate or thin eyelashes) need not suffer a moment longer. The miracle of modern science brings you Latisse, a treatment you apply directly to your eyelids to cure this most heinous affliction.

Funny thing about Latisse — it used to be a glaucoma medicine called Lumigan. When applied to the lashes instead of the eye, it makes them grow.

The problem is that rebranding a drug doesn’t make its original effect go away. When not used properly, the consequences can be as harmless as brown iris pigmentation (which is still undesirable) and as serious as bacterial keratitis (which can result in blindness).

Let Brooke Shields use this crap. If you want full lashes, get false ones.

Personal Space Protector

“PERSONAL SPACE is an object classified as ‘functional art’, created by the Brazilian artist and inventor Vivian Puxian. It ensures your personal space is always kept safe, and protects you against infectious and contagious diseases, such as the swine flu.”

Get onto the subway during rush hour with one of these things, and swine flu will be the least of your worries.

Too busy to workout?

Now there’s literally no excuse. At just FOUR minutes a day, you can’t afford not to get this machine. It’s called the ROM machine, and it’ll set you back a mere $14,615.

High-intensity interval training does have its benefits, but the bursts of intensity have to be of a certain length in order to be effective. I have no idea what the hell the ROM does to you in four minutes, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t enough to make a significant improvement to your health.

Even the people at Romfab admit that the “EXCELLENT ROM MACHINE HAS BEEN A MARKETING NIGHTMARE SINCE 1990 WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT ON THE MARKET.”

I wonder why.

It’s Tan-tastic!

You can get a tan from your computer screen! A company called Computer Tan has discovered a unique technology which causes your computer screen to emit ultraviolet radiation, allowing you to get a tan from your desktop machine, laptop, or even your iPhone!

OK, it’s a hoax. (Come on, the premise is ridiculous.) It’s not meant to be a rip-off scheme, though. It’s a clever marketing campaign by the folks at skcin.org, a skin cancer charity.

To be let in on the joke, go to computertan.com and click on the button for a “free trial.”

Cow water

Just when Coca Cola and Pepsi seemed the dominant players in the soda industry, there looms a threat on the horizon in India. It’s called “gau jal,” which means “cow water,” and yes, it’s made from cow urine.

Chock full of medicinal and ayurvedic herbs, this soon-to-be-released drink will be a cheap and healthy alternative to what’s available on the market today.

Om Prakash, the genius behind the idea, puts our concerns to rest by assuring us that “It won’t smell like urine.”