John Di Bartolo’s House of Step

Oh you children and the fights you get into. You amuse me so. How boring would my job me were it not for the occasional scuffle between members fighting over a spot in step class? Thankfully none of you have resorted to using weights as weapons… yet.

Thanks to Mary for pointing this article out to me. (Ironically, Mary is the nastiest, most belligerent member I’ve ever met.)

This Friday, I’m subbing my class out to Darcy Bentley. Sorry for the last minute notice. (From time to time, my day job gets in the way of group fitness.)

On the horizon is my trip to Sicily from 6/13 to 6/22. I’m leaving you guys in able hands on those days.

After that, I’ll devote my full, undivided attention to you… until my next fabulous vacation.

Guys,

Today’s step class was very moving. The fact that you guys would all wear silly party hats while doing step, all for my birthday, really meant something to me…. that you are all a bunch of mischievous, conniving little bastards.

I suppose it also means that I consider you guys good friends. I see many of you three to four times a week, far more than I see people I know outside the gym. I feel fortunate to not only be doing something I enjoy doing, but to be doing it with a really wonderful bunch of people.

But make no mistake about it. You guys are all completely nuts.

This Masterbeat* production pleasantly surprised me when I first listened to it. Generally “White Party” stuff is a little to clubby for step class. This one is different, though. There’s some repeat stuff from older albums I’ve used in the past, but it’s still a very fun CD.

And I just finished editing it for class. Yaay!
__
* Yes, I know.

Update: I screwed up. It’s called White Party XX. The Next Generation is a CD I thought about using in class but decided in the end that it was too boring.

Now that summer’s coming, an increasing number of people have been coming up to me asking about how to reduce fat in certain problem areas.

The bad news is that you can’t spot reduce! If you work a specific muscle until flames are shooting out of it, you will tone up the muscle, and you will lose fat. However, the fat you lose will not be specific to the area being worked out.

Yes, this stinks. I know.

For men, the last thing to go seems to be the love handles. I remember once seeing “Get Rid of Love Handles!” on the cover of a fitness magazine for men. (Finally, the answer to my prayers, I thought.) It was an article on liposuction.

I took advantage of spa week last week and got my first facial ever. I’m officially angry at all the women I know who have had facials and did not adequately forewarn me.

Facials are not relaxing. Well, the first twenty minutes are. Then they take what I think was an electrically charged mini-vacuum cleaner across your face. It was this woman’s mission to make sure my nose “glowed.” After twenty minutes of pushing, twisting, and scraping my poor nose, she had achieved her goal. It was glowing all right. Bright red. Sexy!

Before my club strength class tonight, a guy I never met before approached me and asked me to give a sealed envelope to his girlfriend Amy, who’s a regular in the step class. He told me that the note inside had instructions for her to come to the front of the hotel, where he’d be waiting with a horse and carriage… and an engagement ring.

I asked him if he was SURE that she was going to be in class. He said that she really enjoys my class, and that she was definitely coming. Then he added that she could have been lying to him all along and in fact meeting up with another man instead of coming to step class. I told him that if that were indeed the case, I’d be more than happy come down and take her place in the carriage.

Well the infidelity twist would have made a great story, not to mention a nighttime horse and carriage ride would have been fun. Alas, Amy was in class after all, and I successfully delivered the envelope to her.

If you’re reading this, Amy, email me with the details. Your fellow members and I are entitled to know how it went!

4/18/05 Update from Amy:

Thanks so much for helping out with the engagement – I was completely surprised!… When I finally showered and got outside the bldg Jed was standing there waiting for me in a tuxedo, with a dozen roses, and a white stretch limousine.  He tried to get a horse and carriage, but apparently New York has regulations about horses in the middle of midtown.

We’re planning to get married end of August in Chicago – where I’m from.  This is all very exciting!!  Thanks again for your help in the big surprise!

If you engage in any kind of fitness activity, getting a massage every once in a while is a must. (Come on, it’s one of the few things that both feel good and are good for you.)

I recently got one from one of the Chinese-run massage places in the city. There I lay, naked with a towel barely covering me, with only partitions separating me from other clients. It didn’t bother me until the masseuse straddled me in order to better use her weight to give a strong massage. It was a scene that could ruin a political career.

When the massage was over, that was when I saw the sign: “Please keep underwear on.” Whoops.

Anyway, at least for the coming week (April 18 – April 24), you can get a cheap massage without having a Chinese woman straddle you. It’s Spa Week! $50 for certain selected services. Check out the site to see what each place offers, and make your reservations now before spots fill up.

I’ve had “Circuit Girl 3″ sitting on my iPod for a couple of years now. Today I edited it and got it ready for step class, and it sounds great. Now I’m wondering why I didn’t pay more attention to the album when I first bought it.

I’m starting to see a pattern. I preview a CD at the store, decide I really like it, buy it, play it at home, decide I hate it, let it fester for about a year, rediscover it, fall in love with it, and fix it up for class. The past three CD’s have followed this life cycle.

This is good news. I have a couple of “old” albums that I think would be great for class. Time to go dig them up….

I love New York, but touch anything in this damn city, rub your eyes, and presto – you’ve got yourself a cold. I’ve also been observing men’s hand-washing habits in restrooms. My conclusion: don’t ever shake a man’s hand. Ladies, I suspect you may be just as bad, but alas, I have no evidence.

My advice is to carry around one of those alcohol-based gels and use it constantly. It’s better than soap. (Incidentally, if you’re going to go with soap, the liquid is much more sanitary than the bar.)

And germs at the gym… you don’t want to know.