John Di Bartolo’s House of Step

“Like the unique African Baobab tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”

This has to be a joke. I’m not African-American, and I’M offended by what is a clearly a marketing strategy to target black people.

On the feedback page, they make several statements and ask visitors to the site if they agree or disagree.  An example of one such statement is: “McDonald’s is a brand that gets me.”

Strongly disagree.

Now there’s literally no excuse. At just FOUR minutes a day, you can’t afford not to get this machine. It’s called the ROM machine, and it’ll set you back a mere $14,615.

High-intensity interval training does have its benefits, but the bursts of intensity have to be of a certain length in order to be effective. I have no idea what the hell the ROM does to you in four minutes, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t enough to make a significant improvement to your health.

Even the people at Romfab admit that the “EXCELLENT ROM MACHINE HAS BEEN A MARKETING NIGHTMARE SINCE 1990 WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT ON THE MARKET.”

I wonder why.

Next time your stomach doesn’t agree with you after a day at the beach, don’t blame that hot dog that you ate. It could have been the sand.

A recent study in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that people who played in beach sand were more likely to get some form intestinal disease. More specifically, poop is the culprit. Whether it’s from a lazy owner’s dog or from a wild animal, the waste gets washed to the beach by the rain.

The best ways to stay healthy are to use a hand sanitizer while at the beach and to shower thoroughly afterward.

Oprah Winfrey has become one of the most powerful voices in entertainment today. What she declares she likes instantly turns to gold. The problem is that a lot of what she likes is pseudo-scientific bullshit, and no one has had the balls to challenge her questionable endorsements…. until now.

Newsweek has come out with an excellent article, taking Oprah to task for the many ridiculous gimmicks that have been promoted on her show. Among the quackery that’s received Oprah’s blessing:

• Suzanne Somers injects estrogen directly into her vagina (or “va-jay-jay,” as Oprah would say) in order to stay young.
• Dr. Christiane Northrup says that thyroid disorders result from a lifetime of “‘swallowing’ words one is aching to say.”
• Jenny McCarthy ignores scientific studies and insists vaccinations cause autism.  (Soon she’ll have her own talk show.  Guess who’s producing it!)
• The Secret.

In all fairness to Ms. Winfrey, the article gives her a thumbs-up for her diet and fitness tips.  “Eat nutritious foods and exercise,” say her experts.  Well, at least she got that much right.

This is why you’re fat.

Blitz Blintz: A large meat pizza rolled like a blintz filled with ranch dressing.

A few things about sugar substitutes should give you pause next time you reach for a yellow, red, or blue packet.

Studies of the health effects have been done only on animals. The effects on humans are still not known. Furthermore, it’s believed that consumption of artificial sweeteners could increase a person’s appetite for more sweetness and for foods with higher carbohydrate content.

So what are your options? Stevia, a new player in the sweetener game, is considered safer than the others because it is natural. (It could indeed be fine, but I’m not particularly convinced by this argument. Cyanide, after all, is “naturally” found in small amounts in bitter almonds.)

When all is said and done, it helps to put things in perspective. The number of calories in a teaspoon of sugar? Only 15.

Are we headed for another 1918 pandemic? Let’s hope to God not. Perhaps it’s too soon to be worried, but we definitely should be concerned.

To view a regularly updated (and somewhat disturbing) map of all the reported cases of H1N1 infections, check out Google Maps. New York City is shown above, but you can zoom out to see how the country and the rest of the world is being affected.

Update: According to Google, “Due to the increasing amount of data, we have moved to a more scalable mapping/data tracking system provided by Rhiza Labs at this URL: http://flutracker.rhizalabs.com.”

You can get a tan from your computer screen! A company called Computer Tan has discovered a unique technology which causes your computer screen to emit ultraviolet radiation, allowing you to get a tan from your desktop machine, laptop, or even your iPhone!

OK, it’s a hoax. (Come on, the premise is ridiculous.) It’s not meant to be a rip-off scheme, though. It’s a clever marketing campaign by the folks at skcin.org, a skin cancer charity.

To be let in on the joke, go to computertan.com and click on the button for a “free trial.”

Why are American’s so damn fat? Mad TV’s figured it out.

Just when Coca Cola and Pepsi seemed the dominant players in the soda industry, there looms a threat on the horizon in India. It’s called “gau jal,” which means “cow water,” and yes, it’s made from cow urine.

Chock full of medicinal and ayurvedic herbs, this soon-to-be-released drink will be a cheap and healthy alternative to what’s available on the market today.

Om Prakash, the genius behind the idea, puts our concerns to rest by assuring us that “It won’t smell like urine.”